How Hot Will It Get?

One day over 90 degrees is enough to make me want to shave my head and stand chin-deep in ice water. It also prompts me to want to strap a knife to my thigh, thus enabling me to slash at anyone who pisses me off. But three days over 90? Come on. We are not in the Gobi Desert. We are not in the Caribbean. We are not straddling the freaking equator. We are in NJ. WHY is it so godawful hot?

"The hot weather is being caused by a ridge in the jet stream. The stream is funneling in warm, steamy air from a Bermuda high parked over the Southeast," some forecasters say. Really?

"...it is difficult to predict what the climate system has in store for our state over the coming decades. However due in large measure to human impacts on the global climate system, it appears as if NJ will continue to warm. This is shown well in climate models, though the future Garden State precipitation regime is more uncertain. There is no consensus amongst models regarding annual totals, but most suggest that annual and seasonal precipitation variability will be greater than in the past. It is too soon to declare that the notable recent variability is associated with this future outlook; however it may serve as an example of what might be expected," states the Office of the NJ State Climatologist. Excuse me? WTF are you babbling about?

When I was younger, the heat didn't seem so bad. I'm sure my tolerance has decreased as I have aged, as have my patience, my mental acuity, and my bank account. As a matter of fact, the only things that have INcreased over the years are my waistline and my list of things that piss me off. And I know about global warming, the selfish consumption by we humanoids and the careless misuse of our planet's natural resources. But still. Man, it's freaking HOT!

I feel like there is a thin green moldy film under my boobs from the perennial sweat. I have little red bumps under my arms, my thighs are chafed, and my ankles have been swollen since June. I know I should be more concerned with the environment than my own petty complaints, but I find it hard to concentrate on anything when sweat drips into my eyes and my sunglasses slide off my face.

Does anyone have an explanation for the intense heat in the Mid-Atlantic states other than the drivel in the 3rd paragraph?

Gotta run and pack myself in ice.