Verify This!

What is up with verification codes? Every time I want to order something online, or ask someone to be my friend on Facebook, or post to a website, or vote for Pat Burrell for the MLB All-Star team, I have to type in a verification code. What exactly am I verifying, can someone please tell me?

EBay explains their use of verification codes as follows: "As an additional security check, or if your password is identified as not being secure enough, eBay may occasionally ask you to enter a verification code. This extra security check helps eBay prevent automated registrations and inappropriate use of the site. The verification code is not your password or any other personal information."

The MLB website tells me, when I try and order tickets to a game, that "this additional step in your purchase process assures us that seats are being requested by a legitimate ticket customer, and not an automated seat request placed by web robots. This word verification technology is often used to prevent spoofing of order confirmation processes and presents a 'problem' that is quite easy for humans to solve but is difficult for machines to solve using current technologies. Automated programs put an extra load on the system by tying up the inventory. This not only impacts the performance of our website but also reduces the quality of your online experience. Once you identify the word correctly, we will proceed with finding the best available seats for you. " Wait - a web robot? What the hell is a WEB ROBOT??? I picture R2D2 at a laptop, drinking a latte, surfing porn sites and ordering metal polish from a True Value hardware store.

I don't believe a word of any of those explanations. Being a cranky, menopausal, constantly sweating woman in my fifties, I distrust mostly everything these days. I think that the verification code is a way for the Web Robot to delve deeply into my online activities and send me porno spam about penis enlargement and oddly colored lubricants. I firmly believe that by typing the verification code into the little box, I am allowing the Web Robot into my computer, where he can find my resume', my Christmas card labels, and personal letters to my son's friend who is in the military.

Let's discuss the people who design the verification codes. They must be Coke-Bottle-Thick Eyeglass Wearing geeks who are wreaking revenge for the years of wedgies and ridicule they have withstood from people over the years. Or perhaps heavy crack smokers who are on a work-release program. Who can read these codes? They are typed in weirdly slanted font over a grid of thick black lines. It's like the hallucinogenic version of "Where's Waldo?" I literally cannnot read 99% of the verification codes that I encounter. Ticketmaster has timed me out of my ordering session many many times because I am trying to decipher the damned verification code! The instructions always say to hit the Refresh button if you cannot read the verification code. I do as they say, and the code is worse than the original. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the message "Incorrect verification code. Please try again."

Our reliance on computers to do our communicating, thinking, and entertaining is a frightening thing. I am guilty of it, as are most people with whom I associate. By blindly accepting what we are told about the ins and outs of computers, including verification codes, I feel that we are in danger of becoming like the Web Robot. My suggestion to combat this impending peril is to type anything you want into the verification code box. The next time you are asked to type a verification code, try typing in "Make me," or "I'll fight you," or "Sod off." See what happens. Let me know.