I had to have an endometrial biopsy done yesterday. I was assured that it would not hurt. I was assured that I would feel some pressure and a little pinch. Even though they were going to go into my uterus with a foreign body and suck out some lining to test it, it wouldn't be painful. We promise, yaddayaddayadda.
If their idea of a little pressure was equivalent to taking someone's face and holding it against the muffler of a bus that has traveled 500 miles, then yes, I felt a little pressure. If a little pinch equates to someone making you lie facedown on the floor, taking your right ear and stamping on it while wearing metal golf cleats, then yes, there was a little pinch.
It felt as though Satan lit a cigarette lighter and held it inside my uterus till I kicked him in the throat. Afterward, my legs shook as though I had run 10 miles in foot-deep snow with hip waders on, carrying a 5 year old child and his pet doberman pinscher on my back.
This procedure is barbaric. I am insisting on being put completely out the next time anyone approaches me with a surgical instrument. If they refuse, I will bring out a flask of alcohol and wash down 7 xanax with the contents of said flask till I pass out.
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." Agatha Christie
About Me
- Mom and Mojo
- I am a relatively normal, fifty-something woman, and Mojo is a 5 year old Yorkie. We both have blondish hair and could stand to lose a few pounds.
FAVORITE WITTICISMS
Life is short. Make fun of it.
When you' re feeling like life is an uphill climb, take comfort in the fact that you are mooning everyone behind you.
I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes nowadays.
When you' re feeling like life is an uphill climb, take comfort in the fact that you are mooning everyone behind you.
I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes nowadays.
When life hands you lemons, throw them back. Aim for the forehead.
Do you ever get the feeling that your stuff strutted off without you?
Whenever you feel stressed out, it helps to make a nice hot cup of tea and spill it in the lap of the person who pissed you off.
It's..."one nation under God" or else bite my big white ass and get out.
My husband bought me a mood ring. When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
I will defend to your death the right to my opinion.
My new low-fat diet is really working. The fat is hanging lower and lower.
Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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