Menopause is.....

.....having zits and wrinkles on the same face.
.....crying at State Farm commercials.
.....almost missing your monthly periods. I said almost!
.....getting pissed off at your deodorant.
.....anticipating the second you can take your bra off and get comfortable.
.....missing having a waistline.
.....feeling like the only thing that will make you smile is smacking a complete stranger or having a Malibu Bay Breeze or six.
.....feeling disdainful when you see skinny women modeling plus-size clothing.
.....looking at your high school prom pictures and thinking, "Honey, you have alot to learn."
.....realizing that your childbearing years are officially over and the thought actually bothers you a little. For a fleeting second. Till you come to your senses.
.....embracing new people, new ideas and new underwear with the same enthusiasm.
.....refusing a dinner date with your friends because you have to pluck your chin hairs first.
.....forgetting key moments in your life, like your wedding.
.....never having to say, "Damn, I'm out of tampons" again.
.....having to write everything down because your memory is as non-existent as your waistline.
.....paying over $1000 a year at the hairdressers for three good hair days.
.....seeing gray hairs and not worrying about it.
.....wearing reading glasses.
.....looking at your hands and wondering when they started looking like your mother's.
.....actually liking your own children.
.....taking a bite out of life. And anything else you feel like.